Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Life, it's for the half dead too.

A friend and I decided at a New Year's Eve party that this year we'd make one evening each week into a dinner and movie event. Part of the reason for doing so was we realized how easy it is to stay home, curl up in our pj's, and eat whatever we wanted while slipping a rental movie into the CD player. When you live alone that becomes a problem because the dog really doesn't have any input into the movie, even if you ask really intelligent questions. My friend is older than me, but much more active. She's just what I need to get me out of my quiet existence. Because, well hell, that has just become boring.

Going out keeps me fresh. It makes me feel like a grown-up. I dress up a little, (even put on make-up) dine out, watch people, hear other conversations. Plus, I get to share. We discuss our thoughts on the movie afterward, along with other items in the news or our own neighborhood. Neither one of us is into gossip, which in itself is refreshing. For too many years now I've played the role of a recluse. I know, I know, it suits that whole writer personna. But I'm not really a writer, I'm a fake. I haven't published anything in years and the way publishing is going, I might never have that chance again. And half the time I'm playing around on email, internet, and blogs, instead of working on a manuscript. But that's going to stop. I'm re-energized. The latest manuscript is being looked at daily. While I haven't yet made huge inroads there are a few slightly trodden pathways emerging, and I'm getting into a rythm again. The pulse of the story has a nice steady beat. And it's darker, much darker than I've ever written before.

Back to that New Year's Eve party. I realized I'd become anti-social. I used to love going out. I liked people. Then my life began to change and disappointments seemed larger than they actually were. I withdrew. Now I didn't do that consciously, and I can't even pinpoint exactly when it started to happen. But looking back I can see that somewhere along the way I became a bit jaded, and the more I hid the more I stayed hidden.

So this being a new decade, it required some new thinking. Look out world. I'm breaking out. Ha ha. It might seem to you that it's only in a small way, this going to a movie thing. But remember, when you add that to my end of the last decade decisions to rejoin an old critique partner, to join a ladies gym, and to join a book club, well, hell. Maybe there's hope for me yet! I might get back into the swing of living instead of just existing.

No comments: